


The Hobbit Drabbles

by VileVenom



Series: The Hobbit Drabble Collections [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: 1950's AU, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Bilbo can be dense sometimes, Durin Family, Durin Feels, F/M, Fili and Kili are trouble makers, Fili gets his first sword, Gen, Gimli doesn't like being the youngest, Inspired by Music, Language of Flowers, Little dwarrows, M/M, Ori gets all the pranks pulled on him, Pregnancy, Reincarnation, Sort of slave AU, Thorin would make an awesome greaser, baby dwobbit, bagginshield, courting gifts, fem!Bilbo, haircuts leave the dwarves speechless i suppose, hobbit-ish courting customs, iTunes Challenge, little mermaid-ish AU, loads of various and sometimes unexplained AUs, the Brothers Ri, thorin can be just as dense as bilbo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-04-15
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 17,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VileVenom/pseuds/VileVenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabbles collected from my Tumblr. Themes and characters may vary. Will add tags as they apply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fili and Kili GEN

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick note before anyone reads this. I pretty much just pop open a text box and type away in tumblr when inspiration strikes. So, there is no editing or anything on any of the following chapters.  
> So, I apologize in advance for any glaring mistakes.

Fili frowned slightly as he wandered through the village, looking in every which direction for his younger brother. It was odd for the pair to be separated especially for any given length of time, and Fili hadn't seen the darker haired youngling for hours now.

"Kili!" the blonde finally shouted when he saw his brother in the distance once he'd just gone pass the edge of town. The darker haired dwarf paid the shout little mind, drawing his bow tight and firing off an arrow into the woods.

The blonde heaved a sigh, before jogging across the field to his brother, slowing his pace as he approached, frown deeply set.

"Kili! You've been gone hours! Mother had me sent off to look for you when you didn't return home for lunch. What are you doing?" Fili asked, folding his arms across his chest, watching Kili fire off another arrow. He then noticed the target set up some hundred feet away with more than a dozen arrows stuck into it.

"Uncle Thorin disapproves of my weaponry," was the only explanation the younger gave, before drawing his bow again.

"What? But you're a great smith, and everyone'd agree that your daggers are some of the finest-"

"Not what I make!" Kili snapped, firing off his arrow into the blue, before throwing his bow to the grass. "He disapproves of my choice of skills," he ground out, obvious frustration in his voice.

Fili blinked in mild surprise, before settling a hand on his brothers shoulder. "What makes you say that?"

"I was carving a new bow, and he said…he said archery was meant for elves. That I should take up throwing knives, at the very least…Not very Dwarfish of me to be firing arrows from afar. Not brave enough, I guess," he muttered darkly, stooping quickly to pick up his discarded bow. He carefully brushed the collected grass and dirt off the delicately carved wood. "I need to prove to Uncle that I can be a good bowman. The best archer. Then he'll see that Elves can go climb a tree, as far as I'm concerned. I don't need a sword to be a good warrior. I can do both."

Fili smiled slightly, tugging fondly on a bit of his brother's hair. "I'm sure he won't take much convincing."


	2. Post BoFA, Reincarnation AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AU where Thorin and the boys live, but Bilbo dies.

Thorin stared down at the tiny Hobbit child, whose blindingly bright smile had faded to a someone shy one, what with all the staring.

"I…Thank you, little one," Thorin finally managed to mutter, reaching down to pluck the proffered flower from the child.

The child's smile grew once more, bouncing on the balls of his impressive feet.

"Mama says that these flowers are for friends," the child supplied happily as Thorin carefully tucked the bud into the clasp of his cloak.

"You don't say," Thorin replied, gently patting the bud once he knew it was secure, "and whom might I be calling friend, little one?"

"Bilbo Brandybuck!" the hobbitling supplied, causing Thorin to make a choked noise in his throat that the child took no mind of, "My mama named me after one of her cousins! She says he was an adventurer a long loooong time ago. They say he ran off with dwarves and went to live in a magical kingdom of gold and lived happily ever after with a king!" the child sighed dazedly, "They say he even slew a dragon!" He paused a moment, tilting his head in regard to Thorin, "Have you ever heard of my Mama's cousin? Oh! Do you have any stories about him, if you have? It's all so exciting! Oh! Maybe you can to find someone to go on an adventure with you? Can I go? Pleeeease? Papa says I'd be a great burglar, since I helped my cousin Rosemary steal a bunch of apples from the Gamgee's garden without a soul knowing, until she opened her great trap! Oh, please? I would so dearly love to go!"

Thorin couldn't help the quiet sob that left his mouth as he stooped down to kneel before the golden haired child before him, sweeping him into a hug. "When you are old enough, I will gladly take you on a grand adventure," he murmured into the child's hair as the hug was happily returned.


	3. Slave-ish AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is says on the tin.

Bilbo paused in his trek to stare up at the imposing mountain looming ahead of him, before the chain around his neck was somewhat roughly yanked and he stumbled forward. He cursed under his breath as he nearly tripped over himself, shooting a quick glare to the back of his captors heads, before he trudged on begrudgingly.

It had been a long journey from the Shire, his captors chatting amongst themselves about the place he destined to wind up. He'd been snagged from the Shire as a trophy, apparently to be presented to some royalty, like a pet. It was really all a big indignity, but at least none of the younger hobbits had wound up caught.

It had all been so quick; the big folk had appeared out of nowhere, the hobbits initially thinking nothing of them, until they'd nearly dragged poor little Rosaline Proudfoot off by her pigtails. Acton was quickly taken to free her, and Bilbo, being the pragmatic and (to his dismay) stupid hobbit that he was, let himself get caught to save anyone else from being taken.

In hindsight, it had been a truly terrible idea.

He sighed in mild relief when they finally got to the gates of the great mountain, the big folk being allowed in after a short interrogation by the dwarves guarding the place. He wanted nothing more than to finally rest his weary feet and give himself a moment to figure out how to get out of the colossal mess he'd managed to get himself into.

Of course, he was so busy toddling off in his own mind, he hadn't realized that he'd been hissed at to bow, and was nearly pulled to the floor when the chain around his neck was once again pulled unnecessarily hard. Bilbo grunted quietly, and corrected his posture as the tiny band of men bowed to a dwarf sitting in a cold looking throne, with the shiniest stone Bilbo had ever seen set high into it.

"We've come with an offering to the great Thror, King Under the Mountain, from a far off, exotic land," one of the men said, throwing his arms out, as if to make show, "We bring these tidings as a show of good will and faith. A gem of the Shire! The folk there posses no great riches, but we bring something of great value. A delicate, small thing, more than happy to do any biding his Highness wishes." And with that he swept low into a bow, and Bilbo was thrust forward, barely catching his feet under himself, before peering nervously up at his new captors through golden curls.

"I have no use for a servant," the King said flippantly, waving a hand at the band of men, who seemed to become uneasy at the comment, "But, my grandson, Thorin, may have use for it. Bring the…Shire-ling forward, so it may be inspected."

Bilbo frowned at the dwarf's obvious ignorance as to what he was, as well as his lack of pronouns. He was a 'he', dash it all, not an 'it'. He let the frown drop, though, as the Prince began to descend the stairs, and he was nudged forward by one of the men, the chain around his neck being handed over to the young royal.

"He's tiny," were the first words out of the Prince's mouth, earning an angry inhalation from Bilbo, his chest puffing up as he bit his tongue to keep from saying anything rash. "But," the prince continued, walking one way around Bilbo, then the other as to not tangle him in the chain, "he appears able bodied. I will accept this gift, and bid you thanks."

The men looked pleased, and Thorin nodded to them, before looking to the King to be dismissed, then promptly dragging Bilbo away from the throne room.

Thorin walked with Bilbo in tow for a while, before stopping in an otherwise deserted hall and turning to the hobbit.

"First off, what are you, and were you taken forcefully?" the Prince asked, unhooking the chain from the hobbit's neck and making a face at the angry red marks and traces of blood around the halflings neck.

"I," Bilbo declared, puffing up, before quickly deflating and rubbing at his sore neck, "am Bilbo Baggins, of Bag End. I am a gentle hobbit of the Shire, and of course I was taken forcefully. Do you honestly think I would've been chained, otherwise?"

Thorin simply shrugged. "Some make it a show, wanting to be close to royalty," he said noncommittally.

"Yes, well, that would be monumentally stupid, if you will excuse me for my bluntness. Who in their right mind would want to be paraded about like cattle, and spoken to like their an idiot? And to top it all off, have to leave the comforts of home to take care of those who are already pampered?!" Bilbo snapped, red in the face from lack of oxygen by the time he was finished. He took a few deep breaths, counting to ten in his head, before speaking again. "I do appologize," he murmured, glancing up at the rather startled face of the Prince, "It's just…that has been a rather long time coming."

Thorin cocked his head, looking mildly perplexed, before snorting and turning. "Well, come along then Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, hobbit of the Shire. Let's go have that wound looked at before it festers."


	4. Little Mermaid-ish AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This drabble was inspired by the lovely Ewelock on tumblr.  
> Specifically, these two posts:  
> http://ewelock.tumblr.com/post/45615207695/i-cannot-guarantee-his-safety-understood  
> http://ewelock.tumblr.com/post/45652154964/bonus-this-kiss-is-based-on-this-gif-from-the  
> I would suggest going to check them out if you like Bagginshield, because they are the bomb.

"UNCLE!"

Thorin turned away from the shark he'd just been fending off, his sword now protruding grotesquely from it's side. It took him but a moment to see what his nephew was screaming at him for, but it was just a moment too soon.

Bilbo, the touchy little scuba diver Gandalf had sent along to help them reclaim their home, was thrashing against grabbing tentacles, holding his oxygen mask desperately to his face as yet another octopus tried to pry it away from his mouth.

Fili and Kili were doing their best to help their new land dwelling friend; Kili, by trying to distract the larger beast by throwing sharp bits of coral and stone at it's eyes, while Fili hacked at the smaller octopus and the larger grabbing tentacles with a dagger. It was all for not, of course, as with a great sweep of one tentacle it knocked Kili into a reef, and with another bashed Fili away with a boulder. Both young mermen sunk quickly and easily from the blows, leaving Bilbo to continue to thrash and squirm, trying desperately to get away.

Thorin let out a bellow, turning to yank his sword free from the fallen shark, before charging at the octopus, slashing at the reaching appendages of the monster, only getting caught up once by the suckers. But once was more than enough to give the smaller octopus time to finally pry Bilbo's mask from his face, and the larger to slam the boulder still in its hold to create a large gash in the divers tank.

Bubbles spewed from the damaged tank as soon as the rock made contact, the divers eyes going wide behind the plastic of his goggles as he slammed his hands over his mouth to try and keep what little oxygen he had in his body. He also stopped struggling, hoping to conserve his energy so he would last longer.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, Thorin didn't know as such. He thought the little diver was finally giving up, seeing no way to escape, letting go to allow himself to drown. He snarled, feeling a surge of protectiveness and anger at the sight, and with a mighty bellow, slashed away the tentacles that had hold of him. He swung straight and true, surging forward, and buried his sword to the hilt into the great beasts head.

The tentacles that were once holding Bilbo easily slipped away as the creature died, the diver starting to sink as they did. Fili and Kili swam up just as Thorin rushed to grab the suffocating land dweller, cheering for their uncle to hurry, as bubbles began to leak from between Bilbo's fingers.

Thorin swam as fast as his tail would let him with the added wait of the diver in his arms, his speed only faltering momentarily as Bilbo began to droop in his arms, his hands falling away from his face as he began to lose consciousness.

He cursed and forced himself to his limit, every muscle in his body aching as he broke through the surface, Bilbo gasping and coughing in his arms as he greedily sucked air back into his lungs.

"Thorin," Bilbo murmured once his lungs were sated, though he still trembled slightly from the close call.

The mer-king gently knocked his forehead into the divers in response, unable to find the words he wanted to express how glad he was that he'd managed to breach the surface in time to keep their diver from dying. He let out a shuddery little laugh at the quiet, questioning noise Bilbo made, before ducking his head and kissing the insufferable little fool.

They both glanced up at the round of woops and hollers that chorused not far from them, seeing their rag tag company of mermen lounging around and on an outcrop of rocks from the reef cheering for their 'moment'.

"I'll kill them," Thorin muttered in affection, Bilbo letting out a laugh and lightly smacking him in the shoulder as the mer-king began to swim them over to the rocks.


	5. Modern day, break-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time I've written angst in forever and a day.

When Bilbo opened the door to the house he had shared for five years with his boyfriend, the last thing he'd expected to find were boxes lined up along the front hallway and most of their belongings gone from the shelves they once occupied.

He stepped further into the house, looking around in utter bewilderment, until he finally walked into the kitchen. There, at the kitchen table, sat Thorin, quietly brooding over what appeared to be a cup of coffee.

"What's going on?" Bilbo asked quietly, setting his satchel carefully next to the kitchen door, before stepping towards the dark haired man, who simply sighed quietly and clutched his coffee cup closer to his chest. "Thorin?"

The older man slowly stood from his place at the table, licking his lips absently, before finally looking up at the curly haired man standing across from him. "I'm sorry."

Bilbo shook his head, chest heaving a little as he took a deep breath, covering his mouth with a hand. "You can't," he said, muffled by his hand, eyes welling up with tears. "YOU CAN'T," he yelled, taking a step back from the other.

"I can't stay here anymore, Bilbo," Thorin murmured, reaching out to the other, Bilbo ducking out of the way of his reaching fingers before they could make contact with his curls. Thorin looked hurt for a moment, before dropping his hand back to his side. "For what it's worth…I truly am sorry."

Bilbo sucked in a deep breath, tears rolling down his cheeks as Thorin stepped past him, down the hallway and out the front door. Bilbo could hear the voices of Thorin's young nephews asking why where they were going, after only just returning from school.

Bilbo shuddered and wept into his knees as the front door clicked shut.


	6. Fem!Bilbo, haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by caylren on tumblr.  
> http://caylren.tumblr.com/post/45976166057/i-am-not-a-warrior-or-even-a-burglar-but-i-will

Bilbo squawked when her hair caught on an overhanging tree branch for what felt like the hundredth time in the last five minutes. She had no idea how those pesky dwarrows managed to keep their hair from constantly getting tangled in things.

She huffed as she finally managed to pull herself free, rubbing at her now sore scalp, scurrying to catch up with the company. “Having troubles, m’lady?” Kili teased, picking at one of the brilliant red ribbons Bilbo used to keep her hair tied into two neat pigtails.

She swatted the bothersome dwarf away, frowning at him. “As a matter of fact, master Kili, I am. I have no idea how you lot can manage to keep your own hair from getting caught in these nasty brambles.”

Kili couldn’t help the snicker that left him when Bilbo’s hair got inconveniently snagged on another low hanging branch.

“That’s it!” Bilbo shrieked, drawing the attention of the rest of the company. Thorin stepped forward when Bilbo drew her sword, scowl on her face, while Fili and Kili moved to grab the blade from her. She snarled and swung at them to keep them back, before lifting the blade and swiftly slicing her pigtails just below the ribbons that held them tight, the tightly bound bundles of hair tumbling to the forest floor.

“There,” she said, chipper attitude returned as she sheathed her sword, and began to move through the still frozen dwarrows. “Well? What are you lot staring at? Come along!” she said, waving her hand in Thorin’s face as she walked past him.

“I could’ve braided it for you,” he grumbled as he followed along behind the hobbit, his eyes not straying far from her freshly cut curls.


	7. Arranged marriage AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be a Swan Princess sort of AU, inspired by antisafic on tumblr...  
> But then I got distracted and it turned out to just be an arranged marriage AU.  
> P.S- Thrain is totally OOC, I know.

Thrain sighed quietly at his scowling son, keeping their pace at a solid trot so they could reach the Shire on scheduel.

“Scowling will get you nowhere, Thorin,” Thrain scolded, reaching across the small distance between the ponies to fix one of Thorin’s fly-away braids. He rolled his eyes when his hand was quickly swatted away.

“Please! Father. This is absolutely ridiculous. Why do I even need to marry this…this hobbit? Why can’t we just lay siege to this pathetic races’ defenses and take their land, if we really wanted it?” Thorin grouched, slumping in his saddle, like the petulant child he was apt at being.

“Because we do not want their land, Thorin. We want to secure good relations and trade with the hobbits for the new colony in the Blue Mountains. It is no different than our relationship with Dale,” Thrain supplied calmly.

“Yes, but you aren’t forcing Frerin or Dis to marry a human,” Thorin snapped.

“That is because that was all settled long before any of you were ever born. Do stop being such a child about this, Thorin. You’ve known for years that you would be betrothed to a halfing. All we were waiting for was for you to become of age, and the Blue mountains to be prepared for habitation. And stop slouching, you look like a slob when you do that.”

Thorin huffed out a breath, sitting up and shooting his father one last withering glance as their ponies trotted into the Shire proper.

It was then a hobbit came dashing out of a nearby building to greet them, catching the ponies’ reins with a smile. “Ah, you must be Prince Thrain and the young princling Thorin,” the hobbit said jovially, giving a quick bow as the two dwarves dismounted. “Welcome to the Shire, Old Took will be waiting for you just inside. I’ll hustle your ponies over to the stables for some food and water, hm?” The hobbit gave another quick bow, before leading the ponies away.

“Now, remember your manners,” Thrain said, patting Thorin down quickly, making sure his son looked presentable, “These folk are very large on their manners.No belching at the table, and do remember to use your fork.”

Thorin simply rolled his eyes, following after their father as they went to meet what Thorin so very lovingly called ‘his doom’.

Of course, when, instead of a posh little hobbit lass, waiting to be pampered by a princling, Thorin was presented with a pretty little hobbit with a whirl of golden curls adorning his head, and a wreath of snow white blooms perched atop his curls, the young dwarf may have swallowed his tongue.

“A pleasure, I’m sure,” the young hobbit, Bilbo he was introduced as, said with a hint of venom and disdain in his tone. He gave the bare minimum of bows, frowning at Thorin the moment the elders backs were turned.

The dwarf prince couldn’t help the startled look on his face as Bilbo seemed to size him up, before snorting in distaste.

Oh, he would definitely not be letting this little hobbit get the better of him.


	8. Wee Fili's birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

Fili grumbled as he was ushered into the house, scarf wrapped tightly around his head to keep him from being able to see, Kili’s tiny hand clasped in his own to keep him from ramming into door frames.

“Hurry up, Fee!” Kili crowed, yanking on his brothers hand, nearly making the blonde dwarfling trip over his boots.

“Let’s see how well you navigate with your eyes covered, and a poor excuse for a guide leading the way,” Fili said, smirking as Kili retorted with an indignant ‘hey!’ and promptly hit the blonde in the arm. “Anyway, it’s my birthday, and I will take as long as I please, or need, to get to the kitchen.”

Kili sighed loudly, pulling on his brothers hand once more. “Yes, but Mister Dwalin has come back with Uncle from the village, and I saw them carrying a wrapped up package! I want to see what you got!” This simply earned the younger a startled laugh as the duo finally made it into the kitchen of the small house they shared with their uncle.

“Finally!” Kili chirped, letting go of Fili’s hand. A sharp pull on the scarf from somewhere behind the blonde left the young dwarfling blinking into the bright light of the kitchen, squinting for a moment before he could focus, his eyes landing first on the cake settled on the table, before moving to his family settled around it.

“Uncle Thorin!” Fili cried happily, running over and clamoring into his uncle’s lap for a hug. “We missed you,” he murmured, before sitting back and reaching out happily to Dwalin, who was seated next to Thorin at the table. “And mister Dwalin,” he chirped at the indignant grumble the dwarf warrior had made when the blonde had all but dived at his uncle. The tattoed dwarf grinned and scooped Fili into a hug, before settling him into a chair next to his brother.

“Happy birthday, Fili, dear,” Dis hummed, pressing a kiss to the crown of her eldest sons head, placing a relatively large package on the table in front of the lad.

“Open it, open it!” Kili chanted, getting up onto his knees in excitement, leaning onto the table to get a better look as Fili giggled and ripped apart the parchment that hid his gift from view.

Fili gasped quietly as the last of the yellowed paper was pulled away, revealing two good size swords, obviously of dwarfish make, delicate inlay decorating the blades and heavy leather wrapped expertly around the grip. “Oh, uncle,” Fili cooed reverently, carefully lifting one of the blades from its wrapping, inspecting the inlay, before hopping off of his chair to experimentally swing the sword around a little.

“All good little dwarrows need to start with a decent blade,” Thorin said with a smirk, resting his cheek in the palm of his hand as he watched Fili swing his sword about.


	9. Fili, Kili and Ori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tiny dwarrows getting into trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by some lovely art;  
> http://mhyin.deviantart.com/art/Baby-Sitting-Full-356325764

Kili laughed as he ran, a well worn leather bound book tight in his grasp. He stumbled only a little as he ducked through the under brush, cackling as his brother rounded a tree and caught up with him, equally gleeful grin on his face.

“Give it back!” a voice cried from behind the brothers, young Ori racing around trees to try and catch up with the mischievous Durin heirs.

“Only if you can catch us!” Kili yelled back, earning a frustrated shout from Ori and a laugh from Fili.

“C’mon, guys! This isn’t fair!” Ori shouted after them, shrieking when his foot got caught on a root, and he tumbled to the ground, somehow managing to get caught up in his lengthy scarf on the way down.

The brother simply continued to laugh, and ran on, finally stopped once they reached the banks of a river, both panting and leaning on each other for support.

Ori burst through the underbrush a few minutes later, red faced and panting, his scarf askew, and braids half undone. “Give it back!” he shouted, his face turning redder as the brothers huddled together and began flipping through the younger’s journal.

“Stop!” Ori surged forward when Fili stopped Kili’s flipping, the two obviously begining to read the writing inside, rather than simply flipping through and looking at the doodles along the margins. “This isn’t funny anymore!”

The brothers reacted to Ori’s outburst by jumping apart, Kili holding the journal high above his head, Fili grabbing Ori around the middle to restrain him. “Now, now, Ori,” the blonde cooed while Kili grinned and reopened the book, “we just want to have a peek! See what you’ve always got your nose stuffed into.”

Ori wriggled in Fili’s grasp, kicking the elder Durin in the shin, before scrambling for his book again. “It’s none of your business, what I’ve got my nose stuffed into!” he snapped, jumping at Kili, who held the book above his head. “Give it back!”

With a rather ill fated swat, Ori finally managed to knock the book from Kili’s hand, only to have it tumble off the side of the tall embankment the three were standing on.

“NO!” the red head cried, diving for the falling book, his hand outstretched even as the brothers caught him and dragged him back from the edge. “No, no, no!” he cried, falling to his knees and burrying his face in his hands, shaking his head.

The brothers shared a quick look of shame and guilt, never having meant any harm to the younger dwarf. They’d only meant to tease Ori, never actually having wanted to read the writing inside the journal.

“Come now,” Fili murmured, moving to crouch beside the youngest of the trio, “It’s just a book.”

“IT IS NOT JUST A BOOK,” Ori shouted, pulling his hands away from his face to punch Fili roughly in the arm, his face red, tears yet un-shed in his eyes. the elder Durin flinched away, rubbing at his arm. “It’s my journal! I write everything in there! About-about Mam, and Da, and Dori and Nori, and, and-I want it back!” He cried out when Kili approached him, flailing an arm out and managing to swat the brunette in the knee.

Kili backed away after his failed attempt at comforting, sighing quietly, and wandering over to the edge of the embankment while Fili tried once again to pat Ori on the shoulder, only to get smacked once again. He smiled a little sadly at the display, before peering down towards the water, lighting up when he saw Ori’s book caught up on the roots of a tree.

“ORI!” the younger Durin shouted, grinning brightly as he began to climb down the embankment, his brother shooting up and running over immediately. Ori sighed and shook his head, not wanting to see what the brothers were up to now. He’d lost his precious book. He really didn’t care about a stupid fish, or pretty rock they may have found.

“Hey! It’s your book!” Fili chirped, climbing down after his brother, Ori perking up a bit at the new exclamation. he dared not mover from his spot, however, not wanting to get his hopes up. He really couldn’t help sitting forward, though, one hand pressed to the dewy grass in anticipation.

Ori cringed back when he heard a definite splash, followed shortly by another, slumping back on his haunches, the small shred of hope he’d had quickly vanishing. So much for that.

“Tada!” Ori glanced up as two soggy dwarflings climbed back up over the embankment, Kili holding Ori’s book up by the binding in triumph. The elder brother handed the slightly damp book to the red head, sheepish smile on his face.

“I am sorry,” he murmured, Fili nodding fiercely at his side.  
“We only meant to have a bit of fun. Didn’t mean any harm. We’d have given it back to you, honest,” Fili said adamantly, thumping a fist to his chest.

Ori clutched his book to his chest, sighing in contentment, before gazing up at the sopping wet brothers, a tiny smile slowly crawling across his features. “Fools,” he muttered, earning loud laughs from the other two.


	10. An experiment of sorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Pink Floyd and wanted to write insane!bilbo and nurse!thorin, but this is all that would come out.

“Good afternoon, Bilbo.”

“Oh! Mister Thorin! Good afternoon to you, as well.”

“How are you today?”

“Not too poorly, if I do say so, myself. Gandalf came to visit!”

“Oh, did he?”

“Yes, yes. He was very adamant that I go on an adventure with him.”

“Really? What kind of adventure?”

“Something about dwarves and a dragon. It was all terribly outlandish, you know. Going on adventures. Makes you late for supper.”

“Yes, that it would. I’m glad you decided not to go.”

“As am I. It would be a shame to miss supper. I would miss your visit, horribly.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Bilbo. You’re doing very well lately, what with refusing to go with Gandalf. I would miss you as well.”

“Mmm. I do hope his comings and goings don’t bother Mister Balin at the front desk?”

“Oh, no. I’m sure it doesn’t bother Balin in the least bit. Anyway, Bilbo, it’s time for your pills. That’s a good lad. Here’s a glass of water.”

“Thank you.”


	11. Bilbo/Bofur, courting gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompted by Bluedragonstorm on fanfiction.net.

“Here’s your dinner, Bofur,” Bilbo hummed pleasantly, apparently startling the poor dwarf so badly he dropped whatever he’d been working on into his lap with a clatter. “Oh, whoops! Sorry, didn’t mean to startle,” he added holding out the bowl of soup he’d brought over for the toy maker.

Bofur muttered something in Khuzdul, yanking his blanket over what he’d been working on, before turning to Bilbo with a sheepish smile, accepting the bowl carefully. “No worries, lad,” the chipper dwarf reassured, despite his obvious agitation at being interrupted, “No harm, no foul.”

Bilbo gave the dwarf a lopsided smile, before nodding and moving to go sit next to Ori, figuring Bofur probably wanted to be on his own for a little. Bombur had also gave a start when the toy maker had jumped, and had promptly began to make his way over to his brother, and Bilbo certainly didn’t want to get in the middle of some sort of family issue if he could help it.

The rest of the evening went by rather smoothly, the company split into little groups, chatting amicably, singing, and generally enjoying themselves while they had some peace.

Bilbo only began to notice something was off when the arrangements for watch that night were made, and Bombur made a a point of sitting next to Bofur near the edge of camp, heads together, discussing something quietly in Khuzdul. The hobbit frowned lightly, before shrugging it off, and snuggling down onto his bed roll for a good nights sleep.

When the odd jumpy behavior and secretive discussions between the brothers continued, however, Bilbo couldn’t help but wonder what was going on, especially when the two would often shoot him furtive glances when they thought he wasn’t looking.

“All right!” Bilbo finally snapped on the fifth night, walking over to the brothers, Bofur quickly hiding when he’d been whittling away at, while Bombur gave him a somewhat displeased look, “What in Mahal’s name have I done to make you two so-so…standoffish with me lately?!” He stomped one foot on the ground while placing his hands on his hips for emphasis.

“What’re ya talkin’ ‘bout, Bilbo?” Bofur asked, looking innocently up at the hobbit, “We ain’t been doin’ nothin’ but sittin’ here, all quiet like.”

“Yes, but you’ve been giving me strange looks for days now, and every time I come within five feet of you, you hide whatever you’ve been working on, and shy away from me! For pity’s sake, I think I’ve heard more Khuzdul than Westron come out of your mouth for the past few days, I’m beginning to wonder if you’re mad at me for something I’m not even aware that I did!” Bilbo exclaimed throwing his hands in the air, earning him the attention of a good portion of the company.

“Now, now, lad,” Bofur murmured, rising from his seat, bundling whatever was in his lap up in his blanket as he moved, shooting Bombur a quick look, the younger dwarf simply giving a nod back and moving away from the two. “No need to be makin’ such a fuss,” the toy maker said, moving beside Bilbo, while ushering him a little further away from the fire and curious gazes. 

“I can see why you’d be thinkin’ that Bombur and I were plottin’ behind yer back, and I do apologize for that. I didn’t mean to be makin’ ya feel that way. He was just bein’ a concerned brother, s’all. He, well, we, didn’t want ya to know what I’d been working on prematurely,” Bofur continued to explain, once they were a sufficient distance from the fire so those who were trying to listen in would have to strain to hear them.

“And what, exactly, would you be working on that you wouldn’t want me finding out about?” Bilbo asked, folding his arms across his chest. The last few days had been somewhat hard for the hobbit, thinking that Bofur and Bombur had been upset with him. Especially the toy maker. Over the course of their journey so far, Bofur had been the first dwarf to reach out to him, to try and befriend him, and subsequently the two had become rather close as time went on. He’d felt at a loss without the other.

“Well, y’see, that,” Bofur muttered, glacing down at the bundle in his arms, fidgeting with it a little, before letting out a deep sigh. he carefully unwrapped the bundle, holding it out to Bilbo.

Wrapped neatly in Bofur’s blanket was an intricately crafted and carved figure of an Oliphant, with a vines wrapped around it’s tusks, a simgle bloom at the end of it’s extended trunk.

“Oh, this is lovely,” Bilbo said, gingerly picking up the tiny wooden figure, taking a closer look at all the tiny decorations on the blanket carved onto the Oliphant’s back, running his fingers over the delicate tusks and trunk. “But, why in the world wouldn’t you want me to see this?”

Bofur looked abashed for a moment, tugging lightly on one of his braids, before sighing and shrugging. “It’s…well, it’s a a courting gift,” he said quietly, in a bit of a rush, dropping his hands to his sides.

“A courting gift? Oh, it’ll be lovely as a courting gift! You can tell how much love went into your carving. But, why would it matter if I saw it before it was finished or not?” the hobbit asked, looking up at Bofur’s rather embarrassed expression. He blinked, looking back down at the figure in his hands, then back at the dwarf, realization slowly dawning. 

“Oh. Oh! I. I don’t know what to say,” Bilbo gasped, pressing the figure to his chest, gaping a little at Bofur, “I had no idea. I…Oh, Bofur,” he murmured, looking down at the tiny Oliphant, chewing on his lower lip.

“It’s alright, Bilbo,” Bofur said, reaching out to pat the hobbit on the shoulder, a sad, somewhat resigned looking smile on his face. “I sort of knew ya didn’t think of me that way. Bombur tried to talk me out of makin’ it for ya at first, I’ll be honest. Worry not, master hobbit. You can just keep it as a gift of friendship.” The toy maker then gave Bilbo’s shoulder a tiny squeeze, before stepping back, turning to walk back to camp.

“Wait!” Bilbo snapped, reaching out to snag Bofur’s sleeve, giving it a good yank to get the dwarf to stay put. “You didn’t even give me time to think!” He frowned at the dwarf, Bofur simply blinking in surprise at being yanked backwards.

“I accept.”

“Pardon?” Bofur asked, rubbing at his ear, as if it were plugged, “You mind repeatin’ that for me?”

Bilbo chuckled, stepping into the dwarf’s space, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “I accept,” he repeated quietly, smiling shyly at the beaming grin he received from the toy maker.


	12. Bilbo/Thorin, flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo is often written as being confused and misunderstanding dwarf courting customs, so I really wanted to see the opposite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a deep seated love for the language of flowers.
> 
> Flowers & their meanings:  
> Arbutus-"You're the only one I love"  
> Amaranth-Immortal Love  
> Aster-Love, trusting  
> Primrose-Eternal Love  
> Forget-Me-Not-True Love  
> Daffodil-Uncertainty, return my affection  
> Honeysuckle-Devoted affection  
> Willow-Forsaken Love  
> Rue-Regret, Sorrow, Repentance

Bilbo swallowed thickly as he gently rolled a flower stem between his fingers, before carefully adding it to the small bundle of different blooms he had picked so far. Gathered together he'd managed to find a nice sprig of white arbutus blooms, a bright purple amaranth, a couple pale purple stems of aster, a small bunch of yellow primrose flowers, and a smattering of multi-coloured forget-me-nots.

He smiled nervously at the flowers, gently stroking his fingers over the delicate, soft petals. Back in the shire, a bouquet such as the one he had gathered would have been considered simply far too forward for ones intended, what with all the declaration in the colourful blooms. Most would have settled for simple daffodils, or honeysuckle, which were both abundant in the shire, and not nearly as boisterous in their confession. After all, if affection was all one held, hearts would not be so easily broken if the flowers were cast aside by the receiver.

Flowers, to hobbits, had always been the first step in courting. Gathering blooms and branches that could speak where one's voice dare not, for fear of faltering or miscommunication. If one's bouquet was accepted, courting may officially begin, both parties then knowing how they felt for one another, and that their feelings were reciprocated. If they were cast aside, the rejected hobbit would then be expected, and permitted, to go into a short state of mourning, quite often locking themselves away and not interacting with anyone outside their family while their heart healed.

Bilbo had only ever seen a courting bouquet be cast aside once, and it had broken his heart to watch while the young lass who had so carefully chosen her blooms dashed away, tears falling from her eyes. He had heard she had locked herself away in her rooms for almost two months, and when she had finally emerged, she had lost a few stone, and chopped all of her shimmering gold curls off in a fit.

He shuddered to think of the rejection, biting his lip and looking down at the bundle of flowers in his hands. It was a risk, he knew, to give Thorin the flowers. After all, he was a dwarf, and a king, for that matter. What would he want with the love of a hobbit? What could Bilbo offer that Thorin could not easily provide or claim for himself?

He sighed after a moment, lifting his head as he heard someone crashing through the underbrush, shouting his name, calling for him to return to camp, as supper was prepared. He sucked in a deep breath, holding the little flowers that were the declaration of his heart to his chest, glancing up at the slowly darkening sky.

"Oh, Mahal," he murmured, "give me strength." And with that, he turned on his heel and headed back to camp, intent on giving Thorin his love, no matter the consequences. Even if the dwarf king scoffed at his offering and ignored him for the rest of his journey, he would still do his best to help his friends reclaim their mountain, and do his very best to stay out of Thorin's way. He would then return to the Shire, and take his time to mourn for his broken heart, and lost possibilities.

He jerked a little when the first sight he came upon once he'd gotten back to camp was Fili and Kili jumping up from their seats and rushing over to him, before engulfing him in a dwarf sandwich very nearly crushing his flowers.

"Oh, Bilbo!" Fili cried, petting the hobbit's curls, grin on his face, "We had thought a warg had snapped you up, when you disappeared into the forest on your own!"

"We were all so dreadfully worry about you," Kili piped in, shooting a smirk in the direction of his uncle, who only looked disgruntled at his nephews teasing.

"Yes, well, as you can see, I am perfectly uninjured," the hobbit snapped, shoving at the dwarrows, while doing his best to keep his flowers unscathed. "Your worry was for not, and I beg of you to release me," he huffed, grunting when he was unceremoniously dropped by the brothers.

"That is quite enough, you two," Thorin rumbled. His voice was far closer than he had been mere moments before, causing Bilbo to look up to find the dwarf King with one of each of his nephews ears in hand, making the two squirm and try to find their release from their uncle.

"We were just expressing our joy at seeing our burglar unharmed," squwaked Kili, managing to extract himself from Thorin's hold, scurrying a few feet away while Fili was finally let go. "No need to be so touchy, uncle."

The brothers scurried away from their uncle and the hobbit, shooting back smirks and giggling between themselves like the horrible little pranksters that they were.

"I apologize for their behavior," Thorin said, watching his nephews for a moment, before casting his gaze back to Bilbo. "They have been getting up to far more trouble than normal as of late."

Bilbo simply smiled, climbing back up onto his feet while dusting dirt off his pants. "Worry not," he said, his cheeks slowly flushing as he recalled the flowers still clutched in his hand, "I had actually wanted to speak with you, so this has given me a good opportunity."

"And what might you be wanting to discuss?" The king watched Bilbo in mild curiosity as he was presented with the bouquet of flowers, slowly taking them in mild confusion.

"I know this is rather brash," Bilbo said quickly, rubbing his now sweaty palms on his waist coat, "heavens knows I would be given such looks back in the Shire, but...well, yes. You can see for yourself."

Thorin simply frowned at the flowers in his hand, lifting them a bit into the fire light so he could get a better look at them, before giving the hobbit the most confused of scowls. "What am I supposed to be seeing, exactly?" He twirled the flowers in his hand, looking over the bouquet, before splitting the stems apart to see if there was something in the middle of the flowers. His scowl deepened as he pulled a few petals from one of the Asters, and proceeded to pull apart the petals of the primrose, as if the blooms held some sort of secret.

Bilbo couldn't help the tiny, horrified gasp that left his lips as Thorin began to destroy the little flowers, hands immediately moving to cover his mouth as he blinked rapidly to keep his emotions as bay. He had been prepared for Thorin to toss the flowers aside, while scoffing and commenting on how silly and useless hobbit's were. He was not prepared for such a flagrant display of utter hate.

"I-I am sorry for bothering you," the hobbit choked out, sucking in a quick breath as Thorin dropped the decimated petals to the ground. He turned and fled from the scene before the king could get a word out, fleeing back into the woods where he'd come from, choking back tears until he would be safely out of earshot, and none of the dwarves would be able to hear his pathetic sobs.

Once he felt he was safe, he collapsed into a heap at the foot of a tree, curling in on himself as tears began to streak down his cheeks. He hadn't the faintest idea that the king would still hate him so, especially not after all they'd been through. They had been getting on so well after the run in with the goblins and Azog; spending so much time together, chatting, eating, walking, and occasionally sleeping next to each other. Once, Thorin has even stayed up with Bilbo during his watch, the two accidentally forgetting to wake Nori up for the next shift, talking until the sun had began to paint the sky bright pinks and oranges.

He wept into his knees, lamenting his stupidity at thinking a dwarf king would really hold any sort of affection for a hobbit. Especially not a soft little hobbit like Bilbo, one whose company had been forced upon him. No, he had most definitely been a fool.

He sniffed and wiped at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, casting his gaze up to find himself sat under a willow tree. "Oh, how fitting," he mumbled into his sleeve, letting his head tilt back until it rested against the bark of the tree, watching as the wind slowly played with the leaves and branches.

He jumped when he heard someone shouting his name after a while of silence, the tell tale sounds of rustling leaves and snapping twigs alerting him to the fact that whoever was looking for him was not too far off. He let his head fall back to the tree trunk, letting out a sigh. His tears had stopped flowing for a few minutes now, his eyes simply slightly red from his outburst. He would let whoever was looking for him find him. After all, he'd already vowed to himself to help the dwarves reclaim Erebor, no matter the outcome of his confession. Even if he hadn't been expecting such outright hatefulness.

"There you are," Thorin huffed as he shoved aside the branches of a particularly overgrown bush, swatting at the leaves as it tried to cling to his tunic. Bilbo shuddered and ducked his head at the scrutiny of the other as his rumpled and tear stained appearance was taken in by the dwarf.

"I'm sorry, if I caused any trouble," Bilbo said quietly, trying to appear as small as possible under the tree, "I just needed to be alone for a time." He didn't expect the tiny sprig of Rue to be so suddenly thrust into his face. He took the sprig carefully, staring in surprise at the tiny yellow flowers.

"Ori, he-I didn't realize what you were doing," Thorin said, moving to sit next to the hobbit. "You have been teaching him the ways of the hobbits, have you not?" At Bilbo's tiny nod, the king continued, even if the hobbit's gaze was still fixed on the stem in his hands. "I made mention of how you had reacted to the company, most finding it humorous that you would become so upset over such a trivial thing, such as flowers. That is, of course, until Ori piped up about the language of flowers. He demanded to see what blooms you had given me, and with a quick explanation, I was quickly being scolded by twelve dwarves over how foolish and heartless I had been."

Bilbo finally managed to tear his gaze away from the flowers in his hand and directed it up towards the dwarf king next to him. "You don't know the language of flowers?"

"I know the language of stones, and gems," Thorin said, arching an eyebrow, "Did you not think it odd that Ori did not know, if it was something dwarves would be taught?"

"I had assumed, because he was young, he had yet to learn," Bilbo admitted, feeling somewhat foolish for not thinking to explain the importance of his flowers to Thorin before presenting them.

"Ori is young, but not that young, halfing." Thorin sighed at the tiny cringe that elicited from Bilbo, shifting to wrap an arm around the small figure. "I have grievously dishonored you and your ways, and for that I am truly repentant. Never would I ever mean to inflict such ache to your heart, even if it was only caused by accident. Believe me when I say, Bilbo, that I have and will from this day forward, only ever have the very best of intentions and affections towards you." 

Bilbo was yet again startled as a single, white rain lily was held carefully out to him, his eyes widening as he took the bloom with shaking fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rain Lily-I love you back, I must atone for my sins, I will never forget you


	13. iTunes challenge, 5 random drabbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw a writing challenge, where you put itunes on shuffle and wrote a drabble in the span of time given by each song.  
> I cheated a bit as far as time goes, but yeah.  
> I decided to put them all into one chapter, rather than individual because it makes things more neat and tidy, and these weren't exactly my best effort, since they were written so quickly.

1.Nelly Furtado-Trynna Finda Way

Thorin stumbled down the street, the warmed neck of a glass beer bottle clutched in his fist. He growled at himself as he tripped over a crack in the side walk, just managing to catch himself against the rough brick of a building he’d been walking next to. The clatter of his beer bottle hitting the pavement and rolling into a metal garbage can startled a cat into yowling and running off down the alley.

He huffed, shoving himself back onto his feet, and continued on his way back to his apartment, swiping loose strands of hair out of his face every time they managed to become free of the ponytail at the nape of his neck.

“Thorin,” he heard a familiar voice gasp, just barely glancing up as he lost his footing again, the firm grip of his eldest nephew catching him around the middle. “Not again…”

Thorin tried for only the barest of moments to get away from his nephew, before letting himself lean into the support.

“Uncle,” Fili murmured, hoisting Thorin into a better position, before helping to lead the drunk man home, “Why don’t you just go back to Bilbo, if you’re so miserable?”

2.Aqua- My Oh My

Bilbo stared at Thorin in shock, the King chuckling as he reached forward to gently tap Bilbo’s jaw closed.

“But…Really? Thorin, I’m just a hobbit,” Bilbo murmured, his gaze flickering between the circlet in the lined box that had been presented to him, and Thorin’s face.

“Of course I am, Halfling,” Thorin said, lifting the delicate silver circlet and placing it on the hobbit’s head with the tiniest of smiles, as if the king was afraid it would break if he let it grow any larger.

Bilbo reached up to touch the cool metal on his forehead, swallowing thickly, before dropping his hand back to his side, staring up at the dwarf. “You know I must go back to the Shire, my king,” he murmured, throat constricting even as he spoke the words, “I cannot remain here.”

Bilbo carefully took the circlet from his curls and pressed it back into the King’s hands, before fleeing.

3.Aqua-Be a man

“Don’t! Thorin, no!”

The king turned away, gesturing towards the guards at the door, as he vanished into his chambers. The guards then moved so Bilbo couldn’t get through, even as the doors slammed shut.

Bilbo could feel his breath speeding up as he stumbled back a couple of feet, tears welling up in his eyes, before he turned to see Fili and Kili standing in the hallway, guilty expressions on each of their faces.

“We’re very sorry, master Baggins,” Fili said quietly, ducking his head so he wouldn’t have to meet the broken hearted hobbit’s gaze.

“We’ll be escorting you out of Erebor,” Kili added, shuffling forward a little, holding an arm out to Bilbo.

The hobbit shuffled forwards, his mind going blank as he allowed himself to be lead away.

4.Ke$ha- Tik Tok

Thorin stared up at the stage, swallowing thickly as the dancer twirled around the pole, flashing him a flirtatious smirk, before he swaggered off to the other side of the stage to gather up a few bills that were scattered there.

“Ah, has one of the dancers finally caught Uncle’s fancy?” Kili grinned, elbowing his uncle in the side gleefully,m earning a quick glare from the elder man.

“Now, now, brother. No teasing. You know Uncle is shy,” Fili joined in, flopping down onto the sofa next to Thorin, handing out the beers he’d just collected from the bar. The brothers began to cackle, trading lewd comments and generally making their uncle’s face go as scarlet as they possibly could.

Finally, the eldest Durin huffed and left the booth he’d been sitting at with his nephews, moving to sit next to his oldest business partner, Balin, grumbling under his breath about how a strip club was inappropriate for a business party.

“Come now, Thorin,” Balin chuckled, patting the CEO on the head, “The lads are just having fun with you. Besides, no one can blame you. That young man on the stage right now is quite lovely to look at.”

Thorin simply groaned and slid further down in his chair, covering his red face with his hands, even as the curly haired dancer glanced over at him and grinned at his obvious embarrassment.

5.Nelly Furtado- Powerless

Bilbo sighed happily as he tended to his garden, shifting back on his haunches to wipe his brow, unthinkingly just spreading dirt across his face. He glanced up when he heard his patio doors open, offering his agent a small smile as the other wandered into his green space.

“Oh, Bilbo,” Thorin grumbled, frowning at the dirt smeared face of his model, “You’re filthy. And you have a fitting in an hour. Please, for once in your life, listen to me. Go shower, and get dressed in the new Armani design you were sent. We need to leave in half an hour if we want to arrive on time. And please, for the love of all that is good on this green earth, leave your hippy opinions at home when we go to your interview after your fitting!”

Bilbo chuckled as he rose onto his feet, brushing dirt off of his knees as he went, before moving to pat Thorin on the cheek, leaving an unpleasant dirt handprint in his wake. Thorin flinched, scowling as he dug a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe the dirt away, even as Bilbo went up onto his tip toes to press a quick kiss to his manager’s clean cheek.

“I will make no promises as to my ‘hippy opinions’,” Bilbo grinned, dancing out of the way as Thorin moved to swat him on the rear as he began to head inside, “Nor will I say that we’ll manage to make it to the fitting on time.” He flashed the other man a grin, before disappearing into the house, his gardening smock fluttering behind him as he began to pull his clothes off on the way to the bathroom.

Thorin sighed, before following after his client and boyfriend, a hint of a smirk on his face.


	14. Bilbo/Thorin-Music inspired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would suggest listening to Mediterranean Lady by Prozzak while/before/after reading this chapter, given that song inspired this one =)

Bilbo sighed heavily as he wandered out onto his balcony, moving to lean on the banister, resting his cheeks in the palms of his hands. He let his eyes flutter shut after gazing up at the clear night sky for a few moments, letting a smile play across his lips as his mind wander off into memories.

-

Giggles filtered in through the windows as Bilbo finished setting up for the afternoon classes, causing the teacher to smile softly. He finished setting his books up, before moving to the classroom doorway to gaze out at where the children were playing out in the courtyard, blinking in mild surprise when he didn’t find what he’d been expecting. Where the children would normally be playing ball, hopscotch, or just generally running about like little wild beasts, he found them gathered around an odd looking man, who appeared to be quite confused as to why he found himself surrounded by children.

Bilbo went to help the poor man fend off the rowdy group of children, but stopped mid-step to cover his mouth with a hand to stifle his laughter. One of the young girls had managed to convince the man to make himself comfortable on the ground so she could proceed to braid the long ponytail he had.

“All right, children, time for class,” Bilbo called out at last, clapping his hands to make sure he had all the children’s attention. He grinned as the children all ran past him into the school, the poor man left sitting alone in the middle of the courtyard, looking even more confused than he had a moment previous. He shifted, offering the man -who was obviously a traveler, now that Bilbo could see his strange attire- a warm smile, gesturing for him to come inside as well. “Well, you may as well come along as well,” Bilbo called, turning with a nod as the man got up from the ground, and began to make his way over to the entrance to the classroom.

“I seem to find myself lost,” the man said, voice low and gruff, but with an underlying hint of shyness at the admission that made Bilbo smile.

“I figured as much,” Bilbo laughed, patting the man on the shoulder, while directing him to a chair, “Why don’t you sit in on the children’s afternoon class, and after, I’ll be happy to take you anywhere you might need to go. Perhaps you might even be willing to share some stories with the children? You look like someone with many stories to tell.”

The man took the offered chair, staring up at Bilbo for a moment, before a tentative smile made itself known on his face. “I would be quite appreciative of that,” the man said, offering a hand to Bilbo, “My name is Thorin.”

-

Bilbo laughed as he was twirled around the dance floor, his coat tails swirling out behind him as he moved, giggling like a loon as he was pulled back into the chest of his dance partner.

“You’re garnering many stares,” Thorin rumbled, contented smile on his face as he continued to dance with Bilbo.

“Well, it simply can’t be helped,” the young teacher hummed, grinning at the man he’d once thought a mere lost traveler. It had turned out that Thorin was a prince, sent out to see the world by his father, so he might learn to rule better, by living amongst his people. “I am, after all, dancing with the most handsome of partners.”

“Tsk. I think it has more to do with your obnoxious giggling,” Thorin teased, twirling them across the dance floor gracefully. “That, or your most enchanting smile.”

Bilbo couldn’t help the flush that crept across his cheeks, swatting the prince playfully on the shoulder as they exited the dance floor, hand in hand.

-

 

Thorin hummed in contentment as he ran his fingers through Bilbo’s soft curls, staring off into the middle distance. The two were lounging on the balcony adjacent to the prince’s room, watching as the sun began to set in the distant horizon, casting soft pastels, and vibrant hues of gold across the landscape.

“Thorin,” Bilbo murmured, tilting his head up from it’s position on the prince’s chest, a light frown on his lips, “What are we going to do, come winter?”

“Whatever do you mean?” the prince asked, watching as sunbeams played with Bilbo’s curls, and made the soft blondes turn fiery reds and vibrant golds.

“Well…I am only here on contract until November,” Bilbo said quietly, turning his gaze out towards the sea. “Once it’s up, my working visa will expire, and if I stay longer than a month, I am to be exported. I…Your country has very strict immigration laws.” The teacher ducked his head, tightening his hold on the prince’s hand.

Thorin’s eyes widened a little at the admission of his lovely little teacher, staring up at the sky as a seagull flew past. “I hadn’t thought of that,” he nearly whispered, suddenly finding himself despairing at the thought of losing the lively young man he’d come to care for so deeply.

-

“I’ll miss you so very much,” Bilbo sobbed, clinging to the front of Thorin’s jacket, the fur at the edging of his jacket freezing with his tears.

“I will find you again, beloved,” Thorin said, pressing one final kiss to his teacher’s forehead, before gently parting them, and pushing Bilbo towards the airport gate.

Bilbo wept the entire flight back home (No, not home. Home was a well worn sofa, huddled under a warm blanket, curled up next to his prince), knowing that Thorin had duties to his country, and would likely not be coming to find a simple teacher. Would not be bothering with such a trivial task as that.

-

“BIlbo.”

Bilbo stared at the man standing just outside his classroom door, looking a tad disheveled, but regal and handsome as ever. He could barely believe his eyes, rubbing at them, thinking it had to be some trick of his tired mind. The two stood there so long, simply staring at one another, some of the children in the class had began to gather at Bilbo’s sides, trying to get a look at whoever could cause their teacher to look so bewildered.

“It’s been three years,” was the first thing out of Bilbo’s traitorous mouth, instead of ‘I’ve missed you!’ or any other sort of exclamation of excitement and happiness at finally seeing his prince again.

Thorin shifted uncomfortably, looking abashed. “I am sorry for that,” he said, reaching a hand out to touch two fingers to the back of Bilbo’s hand, as if unsure if he was allowed just yet, “but changing immigration and marriage laws takes some time.”

Bilbo blinked rapidly, letting the words the other spoke slowly sink into his brain, before slowly turning his hand and gently taking his prince’s hand in his own. “You-you changed laws?” he asked, stunned, “Whatever for?”

It was Thorin’s turn to chuckle at the other’s confusion for once. “For you, of course. How was I ever to marry my beloved and have him move into my country, if the laws would not allow it?”

Thorin very nearly fell back into the wall when he suddenly found himself with an armful of excited, tearful school teacher.

-

“Bilbo, love?”

Bilbo startled out of his daydreams when he felt a blanket drape across his shoulders, and a kiss being pressed to his temple. He smiled, turning his head to kiss his husband properly, reaching up to tangle his fingers in wild black and grey locks.

“Sorry. Just lost in memories,” he hummed, leaning into the warmth of his prince.


	15. Fem!Bilbo, gender confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came out of nowhere.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Bilbo shrieked, throwing her hands up into the air.

“Well, to be honest, m’lady, we thought you were just an exceptionally broad halfling,” Dori tried to salvage, earning a quick and piercing glare from the hobbit.

“I HAVE BREASTS,” she shouted in Dori’s face, making the elder dwarf shrink back.

“Yes, well, uhm, yes,” Dori floundered, looking every bit as flustered as he felt.

“Dwarf woman look much like dwarf men, but they were skirts,” Thorin stated, folding his arms over his chest, “How exactly were we supposed to know, exactly, when you only wear britches?”

“BREASTS. DO YOU SEE?” Bilbo ranted, pointing at her chest. “And my hair! I have long hair!”

“So do we,” Kili chirped, seemingly unfazed by Bilbo’s ranting and raving.

Bilbo clenched and unclenched her fists several times, before screaming about the idiocy of dwarves and stomping off to have her bath in privacy, clutching her clothes to her chest.


	16. Durin angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which I muck around with timelines to invoke mad Durin feels.

Kili pounced on his older brother’s back, grinning from ear to ear as he tugged on the blonde’s new braids.

“Kili! Get offa me!” Fili shouted, batting at his brother, before falling into a heap on the floor on top of the brunette. Kili grunted and shoved at the larger boy as he hit the floor, grin never faltering.

“Can’t you hear it?” the younger asked, finally shoving his brother off and scrambling to his feet, before he headed towards the door.

“Hear what?” Fili asked, sitting up his his knees, and staring after his brother, straining his ears to hear what the other was talking about.

“Father and Uncle are coming home.”

Fili perked up when he heard the distant sound of a trumpet sounding off, and the feet of the returning warriors on the rocks leading into town. He jumped to his feet and scrambled after his younger brother, the two of the taking off to meet the returning men, even as their mother bade them to stay put.

“FATHER! UNCLE,” Kili shouted, waving his arms in the air, Fili hot on his heels.

They could see Thorin look in their direction, before casting his glance away, towards a cart being pulled by two other dwarf warriors.

“It can’t be,” murmured Fili, clutching his brother’s shoulders to hold him back as the caravan grew closer.

“Can’t be what? Fee, let me go! I want to find father! FATHER,” the younger Durin heir shouted, casting his gaze about for the familiar face of his sire.

“Kili,” Fili hissed, trying to pull his brother back from the path, and failing miserably when the tiny brunette finally broke free, and dashed towards the advancing warriors.

None would meet his eye as he asked where his father might be, causing his small heart to beat faster as Thorin and the cart towed behind him got ever nearer. A dawning dread settled on Kili’s shoulders as his Uncle finally stopped in front of him, his elder brother slowly approaching from behind.

“Where is father?” Kili all but whispered, unshed tears welling in his eyes.

In a manner most unfitting a prince of Erebor, Thorin fell to his knees in front of his nephews, before pulling them into his arms in a fierce embrace.

“I am so very sorry.”

The scream that tore from the youngest of the Durin line’s mouth would haunt Thorin for many years to come.


	17. Gimli being a butt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set before the company set off to Erebor.  
> I have a head cannon where the boys grew up together and were good friends.

“This isn’t fair! I should be able to go, too!” Gimli stomped his foot into the ground, arms folded across his chest, looking every bit the petulant child he was acting.

Fili and Kili chuckled, packs already on their backs as Ori scopped his up and slung it on. “Come now, Gimli,” the young scribe said with a kind smile, “We’ll have returned before you even realize we’d left. And then we’ll all head back to Erebor together!”

Gimli huffed, before reaching out to tug on one of Ori’s short braids, causing the scribe to yelp quietly and bat at his hand. “You haven’t even got much on yer chin yet. Just s’not fair that you get to go where I cannot.”

Ori rubbed at the side of his head, giving the younger dwarf a sympathetic shrug, as Kili stepped forward and clapped Gimli on the shoulder. “It simply can’t be helped that you were born just a few years too short,” the young trickster said with a grin, his brother stepping up to Gimli’s other side. “Not to mention your father would be in fits if you came along,” the blonde piped in.

Gimli simply scowled and shrugged off the brother’s, stepping away from the trio. “I tell ye, this journey will not be the same without me!” he snapped, red in the face.

“No. It shall not,” Ori said, small smile on his lips as he tugged Gimli into an unexpected hug, Fili and Kili piling on top with laughter.


	18. Fili and Kili, waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration art:  
> http://kaciart.tumblr.com/post/44275790231

“Kili…”

“Unc’a said he’d be here before bed time.”

Fili sighed at his younger brother’s stalwart stubbornness. He shook his head a little, pulling on Kili’s arm once more. “Yes, but it is already past bed time! Come on, Kee,” he argued, only to take a startled step back when the smaller dwarfling managed to wrench himself free.

Kili turned to his brother with a determined expression on his face. “I wanna stay up to greet Unc’a!”

Fili sighed, putting his hands on his hips, much like their mother did when she became exasperated with her boys. Kili folded his arms over his chest, the raggedy looking stuffed lion that Thorin had gotten for Fili, then was passed to Kili hanging limply from the youngest’s hand. Fili tipped his head back, before squaring a look at the little brunette.

“Alright, fine. But, I’m staying up with you.”

Kili cheered, and hunked down next to the door, his brother sitting close by.

Dis giggled from her spot in the kitchen doorway when Thorin finally did managed to make his way home and very nearly tripped over the two little dwarflings huddled in sleep in the entryway.


	19. The brothers Ri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to write for dwarves other than the Durins.

Nori grunted as he swung his pack off, promptly dropping it into a heap just inside the door.

“Dori! I’m home!” Nori called out with a smirk, knowing how much the unnecessarily loud and obnoxious greeting grated on his brother’s nerves.

“Nori?” Dori trundled down the stairs, pausing to stare at his brother in mild surprise. It had been years since the younger Ri brother had deemed to grace their family home with his presence. “What in the blue blazes are you doing here?!” he demanded after his moment of shock had worn away, smacking his hand into the banister, promptly causing the bundle on his back to squirm and began to fuss.

“What? A dwarf can’t visit his home without reason now?” Nori asked, approaching his brother with curiosity.

“Not usually, unless you’re trying to lay low from someone,” Dori hissed, unhooking the baby sling from his back to draw the infant it held to his chest. “Hush now, little one. Sorry for startling you.”

“What’s this, then?” Nori crowed, looking over his brother’s shoulder at the dwarfling thrashing in Dori’s arms, “Finally got yourself a fancy little dwarf maiden knocked up?” He cackled as Dori went to take a swing at him, quickly stepping back.

“Of course not!” Dori snapped, holding the dwarfling closer to his chest, the babe taking the opportunity to tug at one of the silver clasps on his vest. “He is our brother.”

“Brother?” Nori echoed, eyebrows arched in surprise.

“Yes, brother,” Dori huffed, pulling the clasp from the child’s grip, only to be rewarded with a wail of disapproval.

Nori clapped his hands together, looking around with a sharp glint in his eye. “All right, then. Where’s the unlucky dwarf I get to intimidate over wooing our mother?”

Dori shook his head, drawing a confused look from his brother. “The dwarf that sired our baby brother is no longer with us. He was killed in a mining accident. And mother…She died of both a thrice broken heart in child birth.”

Nori stared at his brother for a long time, searching for any sign of a lie in what he spoke. Finally he swallowed thickly, letting his gaze fall to the floor, hands clasped tight at his sides. When he managed to shake himself back into the present, he grinned widely, though it was strained at the edges.

“Well then,” Nori crowed, scooping the babe out of Dori’s arms, holding him up into the air to the great amusement of the child, and to Dori’s chagrin, “Let’s have a look at you, eh? Strong little thing, aren’t you?” The child giggled as he managed to grab one of Nori’s braids, and pulled.

“Nori-ah-will you not-you’ll drop him!” Dori fussed chasing after Nori as the now middle child wandered farther into the house with the babe in his arms, swinging him this way and that, earning giggles the whole way.

“Nah, won’t drop him,” Nori chuckled, flopping into a kitchen chair, the dwarfling in his lap happily playing with the clasp from one of his braids. He glanced up as Dori carefully sat himself down across from his brother, the eldest’s eyes trained on the child as he chewed on the silver clasp. “What’s his name, then?”

“Ori.”

“Ori? Ori. Hm. Welcome to the family, youngest of the brother’s Ri,” Nori declared, lifting Ori up above his head, the little one shrieking in delight, while Dori fussed at them both.


	20. Fili and Kili, height

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. Durin's are all I seem to be able to write.

Kili paused, very nearly dropping the basket of shopping he had slung over his arm. He blinked once, wondering if perhaps it was a trick of his eyes, but no. It definitely wasn’t.

“Hurry up, Kili! I’m sure mother would like to have dinner on the table before the sun goes down,” Fili called over his shoulder to his brother.

Kili grinned widely, before rushing over to his brother, grabbing his shoulders and promptly turning him around so they were facing one another.

“Kili! What-?” Fili snapped in shock, struggling only minutely before giving up and frowning at the younger.

“Fee! Haha! Do you see?” Kili asked, bouncing a little on the spot.

“Uh, no? What am I supposed to see?”

“I’m taller than you,” Kili breathed, before letting out a whoop and scampering down the street, shopping in hand.


	21. Caylren inspired Guardian Bilbo AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should really read the comic this was inspired by before reading.  
> http://caylren.deviantart.com/art/Bagginshield-Guardian-361444652

Bilbo growled in frustration, swirls of brilliant shades of red echoed in his aura as he flew in front of his charge, throwing his arms out to block the prince’s path.

“You will not go out on this fools errand!” Bilbo snapped, his aura flaring up, causing his physical form to flicker.

Thorin paused in regard of his guardian, though he was loath to consider him such any longer. “Fools errand? We march for the glory of Erebor, and to reclaim our kins lost home!”

“You go for pride! And your own blasted stubbornness! You know nothing good will come of this venture!” Bilbo snapped in return, stomping his foot into the floor.

“Pride?! You call it pride to want to reclaim Moria from the filth that has desecrated it?! Stubbornness that has me wanting to fight along side my brother in battle? To ensure my people are well taken care of?!”

Bilbo simmered, dropping his hands back to his sides, glaring up at his charge, regarding him for the first time as the young adult he’d finally become. He tilted his head, before letting out a low breath, his form flickering, before disappearing entirely.

“I do not believe in your venture, and I doubt I ever shall. But I will keep you and yours safe, as is my duty,” Bilbo’s voice fluctuated around the room like a ghost’s whisper.

Thorin took little notice of the shiver that went down his spine as he continued to pull on armor and strap his weapons to his person.


	22. iTunes challenge, 5 more random drabbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anytime I listen to dance music while I'm thinking of Bagginsheild, I always come up with Stripper!Bilbo.  
> I have issues.  
> Anywho, same challenge as before.

1.Turn me On-David Guetta & Nicki Minaj

Thorin sipped at his drink as he watched the dancer on stage swirl around the pole connected to the ceiling, the faintest hint of a frown on his face as lecherous patrons of the bar tried to grab at the dancer. The man on stage easily side-stepped every attempting hand, though it only seemed to spur the patrons on to try harder. Thorin scoffed at the security that was letting it happen.

“ ’Nother drink for ya?” the bartender asked, tapping Thorin’s shoulder with the neck of the bottle of whiskey the dark haired man had been drinking all night.

“Why is the security just letting that happen?” Thorin asked in lieu of answering the bartenders’ question, leaning back on the bar.

“Hm? Oh, that…To be honest, I think the owner thinks that if he doesn’t make the patrons keep to their seats, he’ll make more money. Thinks that letting the boys touch will keep ‘em coming back, rather than have ‘em going off to other bars. Load of shit, if you ask me. Putting the poor lads up as easy targets, s’all he’s doin’. It’s horrible,” the bartender supplied, anger obvious in his voice. This made Thorin turn and regard the man behind the bar in curiosity. He was an average man, with a long, curled moustache and a set of braids hanging over his shoulders.

“You seem awfully adamant about that, for someone who works here,” Thorin pointed out, tipping his glass to be refilled.

The bartender snorted, pouring the other his drink. “Yeah, well. When the bills need to be paid, y’know? I get my brother and cousin to help make sure the lads are safe at the end of the night, though. Since, y’know, the security guards are only for show.”

Thorin hummed, extending his hand towards the bartender. “Thorin Oakensheild. I’m planning on buying this place and kicking the current owner to the curb with not but the shirt on his back.”

The bartender grinned, shaking Thorin’s hand. “Bofur. The lad on stage is Bilbo, and I’m fairly certain he’s going to be ecstatic to hear that.”

2.Me and Bobby McGee-Janis Joplin

Bilbo grinned as he strummed on the guitar in his lap, feet propped up on the dashboard as Thorin sped down the freeway.

“How much farther to get to your sister’s place?” Bilbo asked, causing Thorin to startle out of whatever daze he’d gotten himself into while staring at the road.

“Hm? Oh, ah, about another day or so,” Thorin supplied, absently drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Bilbo nodded, turning back to his guitar, more than happy to accompany his boyfriend anywhere and everywhere on his mad dash to keep out of the hands of The Man. The War had nothing to do with them, and Bilbo had managed to convince Thorin to run away with him, flower painted van and all.

3.Saturday People- Prozzak

Bilbo sighed to himself as he stared out the window, typewriter half-forgotten in front of him. He let his glasses slide down from the bridge of his nose, while surely leaving a stupendous red mark on his cheek where it was resting in the palm of his hand. He watched the clouds roll by dazedly, his mind nowhere near his current place in time.

No, it was far, far away, in a land of his own creation. With wizards and dragons, magical adventures, dwarves and goblins, and massive, bloody battles for the greater good. Where a steadfast little hobbit would help a dwarf king rescue a long lost kingdom of gold from the maw of a ferocious dragon.

Bilbo jerked out of his revere at the insistent tapping of a little bird at his window.

4.Damned if I Do Ya (Damned if I don’t)-All Time Low

Thorin wiped his hands clean on a fresh rag, smearing car grease and oil across its once pristine surface. He gave the engine he’d been working on one last glance over, before nodding to himself and slamming the hood shut with a quiet grunt. He sighed happily, turning to get himself a soda from the cooler when he caught sight of him.

Bilbo was strutting down the street, arm in arm with someone who was not Thorin. The dark haired mechanic growled under his breath, crushing the rag in his fist as Bilbo giggled at whatever his new boyfriend said. It made Thorin’s blood boil.

What only made it worse was the fact that he knew it was his own fault that Bilbo was more than content with someone else. Not that he hadn’t tried to get back together after their less than amicable break-up, but it was all for not.

Bilbo was happy, and Thorin was miserable, but that was simply how it had to be, wasn’t it?

5.Kill All Your Friends-My Chemical Romance

Thorin swallowed thickly as the ship slowly approached the docks of the gray havens, very nearly hiding behind the rest of his company. Not that he’d ever admit to hiding, of course. And he most certainly didn’t make sure to duck behind Dwalin when the ship’s passengers began to disembark. No, never.

He did, however, watch with more than a little guilt and regret as Bilbo rushed into the arms of the other dwarves, tears running down his cheeks as he declared how much he’d missed everyone. And it was only once Bilbo was finally done hugging and crying all over everyone that Thorin cleared his throat to let the Halfling know of his presence.

He didn’t shrink back a step when the hobbit finally took notice of him, and did not drop his gaze to the ground when he was approached. He did fall to one knee, while taking Bilbo’s hand in his own, however, gazing up at the Halfling, hoping that his regret could be read on his face.

“Thorin,” Bilbo murmured, his hand all but limp in the King’s hand.

“Bilbo,” the once King under the Mountain returned, squeezing the hobbit’s small hand a bit. “I-I am aware that we did not part on the best of terms,” his voice most certainly didn’t waver with emotion, “but I am hoping that I can try and make up for my most grievous of misjudgements and errors. If you will, of course, permit me to do so.”

Bilbo stared at Thorin for a good long minute, almost driving the poor dwarf to despair, before the halfing grinned widely, and let out a chorus of laughter. “Of course, Thorin! Of course,” he said, his voice tapering off into a whisper, cupping the King’s upturned face in his hand, before drawing his up for a gentle kiss.


	23. Just a quick authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In regards to the Dragon Tamer AU

Sorry for taking up a chapter slot with this!

But, if anyone is wondering what happened to the 5 chapters containing the Dragon Tamer AU I was writing drabbles for, I deleted them here, and made them their own work/series!  
So, yeah.  
I won't be updating that AU in this set of drabbles anymore, but over there instead =)

It's called 'Tales of Dragons and Dwarrows'


	24. Fem!Bilbo, Pregnancy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Mary by Sarah Slean, and an image of Fem!Bilbo staring out a frosted window while pregnant popped into my head, and this ensued.

Bilbo cradled her stomach while staring out the foggy window of her cabin, a light frown gracing her lips as the window fogged up further with her breath. She reached up to wipe away the condensation, pausing for a moment when she noticed the tiny frost crystals starting to form near the edges of the window. She stared at the delicate curves as they formed,m only jerking out of her revere when a quiet cough came from behind her.

She turned her head to find Gandalf standing in the doorway to her cabin, the faintest hint of a sad smile on his face. “You do not have to go so far, you know.”

Bilbo shook her head, gently rubbing her belly with a bitter smile. “I cannot go back to the Shire, for the babe will surely be scorned for being out of wedlock, mixed-bred, and simply being mine. And I cannot return to Erebor, for even if Thorin knew of what became of our coupling he would surely call me a liar and toss me right back out. Where else is there for me to go? I am certainly not about to go back to Dale, Laketown or Mahal forbid, Mirkwood. No, Rivendell is my best bet. For both my own well being, and the raising of this child.”

Gandalf sighed, leaning on his staff as he regarded the little hobbit lass as she turned her attentions back towards the frosty glass window. He knew he could talk no sense into the stubborn girl when she’d set her mind to something, so his only hope was to beat a little sense into the dwarf king’s head.

-

“Uncle Thorin!” Fili called, raven perched on his shoulder and letter in hand. The king looked up from his paperwork to regard his nephew.

“What is it?” he asked bluntly, watching as Fili gave the raven a small offering of bacon, before setting it on it’s way and approaching the desk.

“News from Gandalf,” the blonde supplied, handing over the parchment. “The raven bid me to bring this to you, and make sure you read it and not leave it for another day.” Fili chuckled, “I suppose the wizard knows you well.”

“When there is a kingdom to be rebuilt, one can hardly blame me for putting off paltry communications.” He took the letter from Fili, giving his nephew one last huff of annoyance at the fact that he was obviously not going to be left alone until he’d read the letter, before opening it and scanning the words written.

Fili took a small step back at the sudden agitation his uncle began to show the further he got in the letter, before flinching when the parchment was roughly slammed into the table.

“This is a lie!” Thorin roared, shoving away from the table and stomping off towards his balcony.

Fili took the opportunity to snatch up the letter to read it for himself, eyes growing wide as he did so. “Uncle,” he breathed, looking up to find the King out in the mid-day sun, head bowed and eyes closed. “You, this-“

“I am aware. And it can only be a lie! There is no way she could be carrying a babe after but one time together. And she would not run to find aid among our enemy when she knew she would be welcomed back here,” Thorin groused, looking up and towards the horizon, arms folded over his chest.

“But did she, Uncle?” Fili asked quietly, placing the letter back down on the table. “After all, you were quite adamant about never seeing her face again. I do believe you even declare that you would run her through if she ever came near Erebor again.”

The king turned to find his nephew glaring whole-heartedly at him, making him pausing in shock for a moment. “Of course she would know! It is our child she carries! I would not scorn such a duty-“

“Duty?” Fili’s laugh was ugly. “Uncle, a child! A gift like that is no mere duty! She is carrying your true heir. A child that is of the line of Durin, and who will now be raised by elves and never know of it’s birthright because you were too stubborn to see what it’s mother was trying, and succeeded in doing, for our people! For you!” He slammed his open palm on the table, shaking his uncle into moving forward.

“She betrayed my trust, and lied to us-“

“No! She did what she knew was the only way around your pride, in order to save us all from a far worse fate! We all knew and saw it, but none of us wanted to say anything, but now. Now, Uncle Thorin,” Fili paused, turning away from his uncle, “Now there is a child who is fatherless to think of, and I will no longer hold my tongue. Bilbo is part of our company, and everyone else will know of what has become of her. I will not stand idly by, even if you choose to.”

With that, the young prince left his uncle to stew over what he’d been told.

-

Bilbo was startled some six months later, when she was so round she looked as if she may burst at any moment, by the appearance of several jovial dwarves in her doorway.

“Boys!” she chirped, holding her arms out as Fili and Kili rushed forward to give her a hug, the hobbit having been confined to her bed for the better part of the last week. “Goodness,” she muttered, quiet tears streaking down her cheeks, “Look at me. Such a mess. The things a baby make you do.” She laughed, wiping at her eyes as Fili and Kili moved away, making room for Bofur and Ori to take their places.

After hugging Dori, Oin, and Balin respectively, she sniffed, and blew her nose in her handkerchief, tutting at herself, before beaming at the small group before her.

“Whatever are you lot doing here?” she asked, smiling happily as Kili snuggled up beside her on the bed, resting her head on his offered shoulder.

“We heard about the babe,” Fili offered, glancing at the others, before turning back to Bilbo. “Gandalf sent Uncle a letter. I tried to convince him he was being a clot, but…Well. Everyone wishes you the best of luck in birth, and congratulations, of course, even if they could not come.”

Bilbo sighed, reaching out to pat Fili’s arm. “I do appreciate you trying, Fili,” she sighed, batting half-heartedly at Kili as he began to try braiding her hair, “Though I will have to have words with Gandalf about sharing my personal business when I asked him not to.” She huffed, letting Kili do as he pleased with her hair, before smiling at the group before her. “However, I am immensely glad you all ventured here to see me.”

-

Bilbo screamed as the contraction hit, crushing poor Kili’s hand in her own as Oin tittered about with bottles and bowls of herbs and potions to help with the pain, Lord Elrond himself at the end of her bed to help deliver the baby.

Those in the room, save Bilbo, gave pause when a sudden ruckus came from just outside the doors. Elrond barely glanced over his shoulder, and Kili tore his eyes away to focus on the hobbit currently crushing every bone in his hand when she screamed again. Oin, however, set the bowl he’d been carrying down to watch the door curiously.

“I must get through!”

“What business do you have here?!”

“That is my CHILD being born!”

And with a final shout, the doors to Bilbo’s chambers burst open, and Thorin stormed in, the guards that had been trying to keep him back looking battered and bruised.

Elrond did pause at this, turning to arch an eyebrow at the dwarf king, before Bilbo screamed again.

“Baby, Babybaby! Arg, get the baby out of her before I can no longer use my hand!” Kili snapped, glaring daggers at both the Elf Lord and the Dwarf King as Bilbo wailed again.

Elrond nodded and went back to work, though Thorin gave pause, the tip on his sword hitting the floor with a quiet, metallic clink just as the wails of a baby began to sound throughout the room.

“There we are,” Elrond cooed, wrapping the babe in a blanket before showing Bilbo the squirming bundle, “Your baby daughter.”

“She’s perfect,” Bilbo gasped, tired smile on her sweat and tear streaked face.

Elrond turned to take the babe to the wash basin to be cleaned when he caught Thorin’s curious gaze. “Your daughter,” the elf murmured, tipping the bundle so Thorin could look upon the face of his child.

The king swallowed back his tears as the elf Lord moved away to clean the babe, not daring to move from his spot, now that his adrenaline had passed, and the babe was born, he wasn’t sure if he was even welcome to be in the hobbit’s presence.

“Come here, old man,” Kili teased, finally pulling his hand free of Bilbo’s grasp, and leaning in to kiss the tired hobbit lass on the forehead. “Well done, and congratulations.”

Bilbo smiled up at Kili, before turning her gaze to Thorin as he approached the bed, tired smile never faltering.

“Bilbo, I-“

“Hush now,” Bilbo murmured as Elrond brought their daughter back to her, and placed her in her mother’s arms. “There’s time for ‘I’m sorry’s’ and repentance later. For now, just come cuddle me and met your daughter.”


	25. Durin family, mother and son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

“Oh.”

“What is it, mother?”

Fili watched curiously as his mother smiled and rubbed her stomach, before beckoning the dwarfling over. “Come here, and I’ll show you,” Dis said, sitting in her favored rocking chair.

Fili inched forward, before climbing up into his mother’s lap, mindful of her growing belly. He gave her an odd look as she lifted his hand and placed it near the side of her stomach and held it there. He nearly jerked and fell right out of her lap when he felt a definite hit against the palm of his hand.

“Mother-?”

Dis laughed at her sons amazement, releasing his hand and letting him simply stare at her stomach. “It’s the baby saying hello.”

The blonde dwarfling blinked up at his mother for a moment, before leaning in towards her stomach with a tentative smile, and whispered a quiet ‘hello to you, as well’, to her belly.


	26. iTunes challenge, number 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last two challenges I did were Bagginshield, so I figured I should switch it up this time.  
> Fili and Kili ftw!

1.Sarah Slean-Out in the Park

Fili scowled at his books while raking his fingers through his already disheveled hair. He’d been working on his essay for hours now without break, and it was truly beginning to grate on the poor man’s nerves. He let out a frustrated shout, knocking his books onto the floor, before flopping back into his chair with a heavy sigh. He swivelled himself gently back and forth in his desk chair for a moment, before turning to the t.v and flicking on some non-descript infomercial that happened to be on whatever channel he’d been watching last.

“Fili! I’m back!” chirped a most cheerful voice from the front hallway, followed shortly by the sound of footsteps tromping through the tiny apartment and pausing just outside the door to his office.

The blonde glanced up to find his brother grinning at him widely, cheeks flushed from the chill of the brisk fall wind. He had to smile at the quiet pants his younger brother was emitting from riding his bike home and running up two flights of stairs. Not to mention the several multi-coloured leaves that were tangled in his mane of messy brown locks, and the fact he hadn’t even taken his coat off yet.

“Fret not, brother mine,” Kili hummed, walking across the room and upending the bag he’d been carrying onto Fili’s desk, “I made sure to get the double stuffed oreo’s. Only the best for you.”

2.Blur-For Tomorrow

“FILI!”

“Keep down!”

Fili shoved Kili back down, firing off the gun in his hand a few times, before ducking back down as his shots were returned.

“Do you have anymore extra cartridges?” Kili asked nervously, flinching when a shot zipped just over his shoulder, causing him to duck further down.

Fili looked down at his belt, touching the single extra battery pack he had for his gun. “Just one,” he muttered, even though Kili could see it plain as day, “You have anymore for yours?”

Kili sighed, shaking his head. “Down to my last one,” he said, holding up his battered gun, the barrel burnt badly, and the display showing only half a battery’s worth of charge left.

“Well,” the blonde said, giving his brother a wavering grin, holding his pistol up, “Shall we go out with a bang, at least?”

Kili swallowed thickly, before nodding at his brother, returning his grin with a cheeky one of his own, before the brothers vaulted out from their hiding place.

3.Mika-Any Other World

Kili deflected another arrow with his sword, standing as strong as he could with the sword wound in his thigh, and the slide of orc blood beneath his boots.

“Kee,” a weak voice murmured, coupled with a tug on his pant leg.

“I’m not leaving you!” he snapped, slicing down another goblin that tried to get at the dwarf laying on the ground.

“Kee, please.”

“No!” Kili turned to shout down at his brother, gasping at the sharp slide and sting of a blade cutting through his side.

The blonde at his feet stared up at him with wide, red rimmed eyes, tears freely rolling down his cheeks. “Kee…”

Kili fell to his knees, his sword clattering to the ground as he choked, and collapsed next to his brother.

“M’sorry, Fee,” he murmured, clutching at his brothers hand.

“Shhh…”

“N-no, I’m sorry. I couldn’t, I couldn’t-“

“Kili-“

“Fee!”

“Wake-up!”

Kili jerked awake in his bed, panting a bit as he took in his surroundings. He let his fingers tangle in his sheets, the soft blue glow of his alarm clock lighting up his room just enough to make out the worried eyes of his brother staring down at him.

“You okay, Kee?” the blonde asked, brushing a bit of hair from his brothers sweaty brow.

“Yeah. Yeah, just a nightmare,” Kili murmured with a sigh, smiling lightly at his brother, before pulling him into a hug.

4.Lily Allen-Littlest Things

Kili giggled, flailing his arms in his brothers oversized shirt, very nearly falling over with the motion.

“Kee,” Fili laughed, steadying his little brother, only to be pulled down as well when the brunette purposely fell to the floor, resulting in a short wrestle-match. It ended, of course, with Kili being pinned, and the shirt being pulled over his head to be replaced in the drawer it had come from.

“Don’t worry, Kili,” Fili laughed, ruffling the younger Durin’s hair, before settling down to braid it out of the youngers face, “One day you’ll grown up into a big strong Dwarf, just like me.”

Kili sniggered, tilting his head to allow Fili better access. “I know! And I’ll get to stand by your side when you’re King and everyone gets to see how awesome you are.”

“Of course. Where would I be without my most loyal and honorable brother?”

~

Kili felt tears well up in his eyes as his brother practically ghosted by him in the hall, not a word or glance exchanged between them. Between the pressures of ruling a kingdom, and producing an heir, the brothers had barely had a moment to themselves in years. And Fili’s gaze slowly stopped searching him out in a crowd. His voice stopped calling out his brother’s name. He soon stopped asking for his opinions in court. And thus, Kili fell into the background.

5.Imagine Dragons-Radioactive

Kili laughed, switching the gear on his bike as he flew over the broken remains of what may have once been a stretch of highway, his shouts and laughter becoming lost in the desert. “Hurry up, slow poke!” he shouted back at his brother, whooping loudly as he rocketed off a slope, throwing his arms up into the air as his bike sored for a minute, before grabbing hold as his tired skidding, and he swung out to a stop.

“You’re going to get yourself killed,” Fili said, though there was a smile in his voice as he drove up to stop next to his brother, tugging his goggles and bandana off his face.

“Hey, at least my death this way will be more exciting than dying of thirst or being gunned down by a patrol,” Kili said with a shrug, revving his bike, before taking off ahead of his brother once more.

Fili rolled his eyes, before replacing his goggles and bandana, taking off after his brother, if only to make sure he didn’t kill himself by attracting the attention of a passing patrol with his enthusiastic hollering.


	27. Fem!Bilbo, 1950's-60's AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because the image of Bilbo as a drive-in waitress and Thorin as a greaser makes me smile.

Bilbo sighed and fixed her skirt as the old black Cadillac rolled up to the drive-in.

“Oh, it’s the Durin boys,” one of the other waitresses tittered, flicking her long blonde hair over her shoulder as Bilbo simply rolled her eyes. She could see the appeal in the well worn leather jackets and tight jeans the little gang wore, not to mention their ‘bad boy’ reputation. That didn’t mean she bought into it, though.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep your legs closed, Lobelia,” Bilbo huffed, making sure her notebook and pen were in her belt pockets, “They’re in one of my lots.” She smirked at the indignant look the other girl gave her, mockingly twirling her fingers through her curly pigtails, before snorting and roller skating over to the drivers side window.

“Welcome to The Shire Drive-In,” Bilbo said in her well-rehearsed customers only voice, “What can I get for you boys?”

The boys in the car were well-known to her, even if she had never spoken to any of them directly. Thorin Durinson sat in the drives seat, the self-appointed leader of their little group, and next to him sat his right hand man, Dwalin Fundinson. In the backseat, bickering over what appeared to be a comb were Fili and Kili, Thorin’s younger cousins, and squashed between them was a rather exasperated looking Balin, Dwalin’s older brother who Bilbo had heard was only in town for a couple of weeks during the summer to take a vacation from college.

“Well,” Dwalin interrupted her train of thought, making her jerk and dig her notebook and pen from her pockets, “For starters, we’d most definitely wouldn’t say no to you.” He leered at her, making Bilbo scrunch up her nose. If she weren’t working, she would’ve slapped him.

She was saved from the violent daydreams in her head, however, when Thorin promptly jabbed Dwalin in the ribs with his elbow, and shot his friend a glare over the rim of his sunglasses. “Sorry,” he said quickly as Dwalin grunted and rubbed at his chest, “He’s actually house trained, I swear.”

This earned him a cheeky grin from Bilbo, and a quiet giggle. “I’m sure,” she said, smirking at the indignant look Dwalin shot Thorin. “Regardless, though, I really do need to know your order.”

“Right. Uh, two cheeseburgers for the two dunderheads in the backseat, a fully loaded burger for the house pet, an order or fries for Balin, a strawberry milkshake for me, and if I’m not being too forward, maybe your number?” Thorin smirked, sliding his sunglasses up into his slicked back coif, “I promise I won’t let the dog eat it.”

“Enough of the mutt references, already,” Dwalin grunted, punching Thorin in the shoulder, which made the younger boy laugh, swatting his friend away.

“I’ll tack a ‘please’ onto that, for proprieties sake,” Thorin added, leaning against the car door and smiling charmingly up at Bilbo.

Bilbo arched an eyebrow at the greaser’s forward request, a playful smile on her lips. “Well, I can guarantee all the food,” she said, jotting the order down in her notebook, “You’ll have to wait and see about the phone number.” And with that, she skated away, pink poodle skirt swirling around her legs as she went.

“Shot down in flames,” Kili crowed from the back seat, his brother cackling along next to him.

“We’ll see about that,” Thorin said, sliding his sun glasses back over his eyes as Bilbo skated back out to their car with their tray.

“Enjoy,” she said, latching the tray onto the window of Thorin’s car, flashing the greaser a smirk, before heading back to the little bar where all the waitresses were loitering about.

“Well?” Dwalin asked, taking his burger from Thorin as he dolled out the food.

Thorin looked at his receipt, then at the napkins, flipping through them quickly, before slumping in his seat and chewing on his straw petulantly.

“All me to reiterate,” Kili laughed, “Shot down in flames!”

“You gave it a good go,” Balin said, patting Thorin on the shoulder.

Thorin sighed, scowling at the dash of his car as he drank his milkshake.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” a voice chirped from next to the drivers window, making Thorin look up into the mischievous blue eyes of one Bilbo Baggins herself. She held out a short slip of paper, which Thorin took with a confused eyebrow arch. Bilbo laughed, picking up their tray and winking at the greaser, skating backwards a little. “The last part of your order.”

Thorin would have grinned if he weren’t in front of half of his crew. He settled for a pleased smirk as Bilbo skated away, peeking at the number scrawled across the piece of paper, before carefully tucking it into the breast pocket of his jacket.


	28. Another pesky Authors Note.

So, I think I'm going to cap this set of Drabbles here, since the word count is sort of ridiculous for what was supposed to be a collection of short ficlets.

I may post the longer ficlets I write separately, and create a new collective work for any short drabbles I write =)

Thank you!


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